Callen's Birth Story

It's taken me a week to really process what has been up until this point, the most life changing few days of my life. But I am ready to share and open up about my birth story, and hope it proves a few things: life doesn't always go according to your plan, all we can control is what we can control, and have faith that the universe has your back and things will work out in the end. This is my unfiltered story. Not leaving out any details, or sugarcoating this for you guys. And FYI - in case you're a little queasy, there's a picture of my placenta at the end, so you've been warned!

So our story starts on Thursday, June 14.

I woke up around 4 am to contractions that were coming in hot every 10 minutes like clockwork. I let Devin, my husband, sleep since they were painful, but not excrutiating at this point. I sat on my birth ball and would squeeze his foot when a contraction would come, and he would wake up and help me through it. When it ended, he would doze off and I continued to bounce on my ball.

This went on all morning pretty much: contractions every 10 minutes, worked through it and went on with my day as best I could. I was 41 weeks on the dot and had an appointment to see my midwives at 2:30 pm that day where they would do a membrane sweep as well as a non-stress test to be sure baby was doing alright in there. Even being one week past my due date, induction wasn't in the near future and I knew I wanted this babe to come on his own.

So 2:30 pm rolls around and we waddle into the birth center. I did my non-stress test and everything looked great - baby was good, I was good. Since I was clearly in early labor, my midwife told me that the membrane sweep wasn't really necessary. She said she had a feeling I was going to be back later tonight and I remember thinking "holy shit, I'm ACTUALLY about to have a baby! So surreal, but I was excited and ready to do this thing. She reminded me to wait and call when my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart, lasting over a minute, for over an hour.

We head home from the birth center, and almost as soon as got home, my contractions started to pick up. They went from 10 minutes apart all day, to now about 7 minutes apart and more intense. My birth ball was my BFF - I sat on that thing and would roll through the contractions as best I could. Anyone have Comcast Xfinity, and sometimes those screensavers pop up? Well my husband used those screensavers to help bring me to my happy place. "Look at the beach, focus on the beach and the waves. Now look at the mountains - focus on the mountains, babe." He also turned on Netflix and put it on "Slow TV: Train Ride Bergen to Oslo". Basically its just 7 hours of a train ride through Norway and weirdly enough, it really helped me focus during my contractions. I would focus on a tree or a house or something off in the distance and try to zone out as best I could. Contractions continued for a little while and I remember my midwife suggesting I try having a glass of wine to calm myself and relax, because it was going to be a lot of work to get through labor. My mom poured me a glass - my first drink in 11 months! It helped a little, until it made me super nauseous. I told Devin "I'm gonna puke" and he grabbed our laundry hamper, dumped out all the clothes on the floor just in time. YUP - puked in the laundry hamper.

I went outside to get fresh air and swayed/rocked through my contractions as they got stronger. I smoked a joint in between contractions to help me relax as well, which also helped a lot. I remember one REALLY bad contraction came on, and afterwards I had a moment of weakness. I told Devin "I don't know if I can do this." YUP. Me. The girl who has been preaching how our bodies are made for this and its possible to have a pain-free birth. Its really hard to prepare yourself for something so physical that you've never been through before. But Devin came through as my rock and encouraged me to keep going. He reminded me that I'm strong and I CAN do this. I looked him in the eyes and sucked it up. I knew I needed to power through.

Around 8 pm, my contractions finally got to about 3-4 minutes apart. Devin called our midwife and she told us to be there in 20 minutes. So we started getting our stuff together to head out - it was GO TIME! We got to the birth center and it was EXACTLY how I envisioned: lights were low, candles lit, I plugged in my labor playlist and was joined by my mom, sister, my midwife Tracy and student midwife Michelle. This part of my birth WAS what I had planned: a positive atmosphere for me to work through my labor and feel comfortable.

So, I started doing the damn thing. "Passionfruit" by Drake playing in the background, I worked through my contractions with the help of Devin, my mom and sister. I worked through several different positions: I would stand and sway and put my arms around Devin's neck, I sat backwards on the toilet, I rolled on my birth ball. Michelle asked if I wanted to try the bath which I said YES PLEASE. She filled the tub with warm water and it felt great to get some relief thanks to the heat. While in the tub, I got my SECOND urge to puke - they grabbed a bowl and I went at it, and I knew this was a good sign because my body was making room for baby to come out.

Midnight came and at this point, I had been in labor for 20 hours. I was really starting to feel drained and wanted some encouragement, so I asked Tracy if she could do my first cervical check. Up until this point, I didn't have one cervical check my entire pregnancy so I had no idea where I was at. She told me I was fully effaced which was awesome, and then asked if I wanted to know exactly how many centimeters dilated I was or if I just wanted to know if I was making progress. For me, I knew I would fixate on that number a lot so I said "just let me know if I'm doing it and heading in the right direction." She said YES, I was making great progress and doing awesome. It was the positive reinforcement I needed to keep going.

I continued to labor it out. Midwives and my mom were feeding me lemon popsicles and coconut water. It was so hard to eat, but my energy was dwindling fast so I made myself at least eat those things. Contractions were getting extremely intense at this point, but I continued to envision sandy Mexico beaches and zone out. My midwives stepped out of the room for a minute and I asked my mom what the number was that I was dilated at - I needed more encouragement. She told me I was 5 cm during that check at midnight. HALFWAY, okay okay I think I can do this.

3 am rolls around. Knowing I had been 5 cm 3 hours ago, I wanted to know again if I was heading in the right direction. Tracy did a second check and asked again: "do you want a number or just to know you're making progress?" Again I told her to just let me know if I was making progress. She confirmed I was more dilated than 3 hours ago and was doing good. She suggested I started to try some more effective positions - the two in particular were side lying on the bed, and elbows-knees with my butt in the air. I was ready to do whatever to get this going...the only thing was that since these positions were effective at dilating the cervix, that also meant they HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. Holy shit, I wasn't ready. These positions were the only ones where I REALLY had to hold it together and not start bawling like a baby. Tracy did counterpressure on my hips which helped a little, but it was still the hardest position for me to be in. I could only stay in the side lying pose for maybe 4-5 contractions before I had to get up. The elbows-knees position was just as brutal and I only was able to stay in that one for a few contractions as well. I gave it everything in me and did my best to stay there as long as I could. Also let me add that I can't really remember when it was, but I threw up for a third time. My body really didn't want anything in my system I guess!

So at this point, the sun started coming up. It was about 6 am, and I was at the end of my rope. I had been in labor for 26 hours at this point, with no sleep, and I felt like the end was nowhere in sight. I asked my mom again what the number had been at 3 am. She told me I was a "generous 6.5 cm". Hmmm....1.5 cm over 3 hours. It was progress but I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I was further along. So I asked Tracy for another check, and this time I wanted to know the number. She sat me down on the birth stool for my check and told me I had made no progress in the last 3 hours - still sitting at about 6 cm. Along with that, she told me she could feel my bulging bag of waters, and could tell that baby's head was acynclictic - meaning a little cockeyed and not lining up quite right to effectively dilate my cervix. Here's what it looks like for my visual learners.

She said there was the option to break my water, which would allow baby to come down a little bit and put more pressure on my cervix. But there was space between my bag of waters and my cervix, which put us at risk for cord prolapse. This is when the umbilical cord comes out before the baby, which is NOT a good situation because it can cut off circulation and the baby wouldn't get oxygen. Tracy said that on a scale of not concerned, a little concerned and very concerned about this happening, she was a little concerned. It would probably be fine if we did it at the birth center, but if something did happen, then it would turn into an emergency situation. At this point, I was so beyond tired, and my contractions actually started spacing apart which was the exact opposite of what we wanted.

Tracy gave me 3 options at this point:

1. I could continue doing what I was doing and labor at the birth center, but there was no guarantee I would continue to make progress because of the baby's position and my exhaustion.

2. Tracy could break my water but there was the risk of the cord prolapse issue which could lead to an emergency transfer to the hospital.

3. We could do a non-emergency transfer to the hospital at that point where they could break my water there, and we would be in a better environment in case something did happen. Tracy also said that it wouldn't be a bad idea for me to get some pain relief because I had been awake laboring for 26 hours, and I NEEDED to rest if I was gonna push this baby out.

Devin and I had everyone leave the room so we could discuss what we wanted to do. I was so disappointed at this point. This isn't what I wanted. I had preached to the high heavens all about not wanting to have my baby in the hospital, and that women could have natural births if they had the right tools and mindset. I felt like I had failed, I was defeated, and I was embarrassed. But my amazing husband reminded me that its not about what others think - its about getting our baby here safely. I had to make the best choice to get our son or daughter here, and I did EVERYTHING in my control that I could to do this the way that I wanted. But it takes two to give birth: mama and baby. Mama tried her hardest, but baby just wasn't cooperating and there was nothing I could do about that.

So we made the choice to transfer to the hospital. Luckily the hospital was across the street from the birth center, so we were able to get there pretty quick. What I did like was that we were being transferred to another midwife, not an OB. When we got there, a wheelchair was there and our room was set - I didn't have to wait at all, thank GOD.

We got to our room, and the first thing we did was get set with an epidural. It was gonna take about 15-20 minutes for the anesthesiologist to get to our room, so they asked if I wanted IV pain meds which I declined. It was such a hard decision for me to make to get the epidural, because I wanted to go medication-free so bad. But my midwives reminded me that I wasn't getting this epidural because I couldn't handle the pain. I got the epidural because I wasn't making progress and I wanted to avoid an emergency situation. If Tracy had checked me that 3rd time and told me I had made good progress, I would have kept going. But that just wasn't the case. I had to let go of my plan and do what was best for our baby.

The epidural kicked in, and I'm not gonna lie - it was heavenly. I FINALLY felt like I could rest and relax after being awake fighting contractions for over a day. The midwives wanted to get baby in the right position, and just like Tracy and Michelle, they had me focus on the side lying position and the elbows-knees position. They were going to hold off on breaking my water for the time being, so my nurse got out a peanut ball and arranged me in the side lying pose with the peanut ball between my legs. I couldn't believe how COMFORTABLE I was compared to when I was trying this pose at the birth center. Except with all the moving back and forth getting me into position, combined with the anesthesia...guess what? YUP - puked for the FOURTH time. Lovely. I laid on each side for about 30 minutes before the hospital midwife, Sandi, came in to check how things were going. Low and behold - 8 cm!! When she checked me, she said "oh yeah, there's your bulging bag of waters.....oh wait, never mind!" My bag of waters was so taut that just doing the check caused it to rupture. The fluid was clear, no meconium (baby poop) which was a great sign. I was on my way to having this baby!!

The nurse wanted me to get on my elbows and knees and have my butt in the air as high as I could get it. This was extremely difficult when you can't feel your legs, ha! It was so funny watching everyone try to flip me over - I felt like a useless walrus. But I got in position and laid there for about 30 minutes. Sandi came back in to see how things were going and the positions were clearly working because I was at 9.5 cm. SO CLOSE! After over a day and a half in labor, I knew it was about to be time soon to meet my baby. To get the last 0.5 cm dilated, I got in side lying position with the peanut ball again. It didn't take long to get fully dilated at this point, but the one thing left was my contractions were still pretty spaced apart. The nurses suggested getting a tiny bit of Pitocin just to give my contractions a little ZAP. Again, hard decision because I was trying to stay away from as many interventions as I could. But I wasn't using the Pitocin to induce or start labor, and I already had the epidural. It had been 36 hours and I just wanted to meet my baby, so I said yes to the Pitocin. Almost instantly, my contractions picked up and it was time to push!!

Pushing was HARD. I was shocked at how much energy it took to push with those contractions - I was so glad I had gotten the epidural and had rested because there was NO way I could have done this with how exhausted I had been. I pushed for about an hour and a half, when my midwife told me to reach down and feel the baby's head. OMG - he was RIGHT THERE. Next push, I did it again - everyone could see his head come out, then the shoulders. Finally, Sandi looked at me and said "reach down and grab your baby!" I looked down, and saw my child and brought the baby to my chest. It was such a relief and such an overwhelming feeling to finally see this human in person that had been inside me for 9 months! I looked at Devin as I was pulling the baby out and said, "WHAT IS IT?!" He looked at me and said "its a boy!" I was in shock. "Its a boy??" I said. "Yes, its a boy!" I instantly started bawling. Devin and I wanted a boy, we said it was a boy from the beginning, and here we were - holding our sweet baby boy. It was everything I could have imagined.

I didn't even feel myself birth the placenta. It came out and there was a crazy knot in the cord - it looked like a pretzel! I don't know what kind of acrobatics he was doing in there, but it was pretty cool to see.

I didn't have any tears, so no stitches thank the lord. The hospital already had it in place for delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin and early breastfeeding, so I was really happy I didn't have to worry about that, since those things were all important to me when I was planning to have the baby at the birth center. It went really smoothly at the hospital, and even though it wasn't what I wanted, it was definitely the best hospital experience I could have asked for. All the nurses were amazing, the birth progressed exactly like it should have, and our baby boy came into the world safe and sound.

So after 37 hours, start to finish, I am so happy to announce the birth of our baby boy.

Callen James Luckenbach Born June 15, 2018 at 4:57 pm 8 lb 5.1 oz and 19.68 inches long

He really is the love of my life. And has already taught me some amazing lessons on motherhood. Our kids will try us, and being a mom means making the decision that is best for them, even if its not what we want. It means putting your child first, and thats what I did to get him here safely. I don't know what I would do without this kid. I look at him and want to cry because I created something so perfect. As I'm typing this out, he is laying with my husband, letting out big poopy farts and making us laugh. He is everything.

So that's my birth story! Its real, its not what I envisioned or planned, but it was still perfect. I wouldn't change a thing, and I'm so happy everything turned out the way it did. Now let me add that I was a little nervous to tell the TRUE story and my honest feelings about what it felt like to be in labor because the last thing I want to do is discourage anyone from wanting to have a natural birth themselves. If circumstances were better and Callen was lined up like he should have been, this whole thing would be a different story. So for anyone wanting to do a natural or out-of-hospital birth, I still encourage you to do it, because my situation was unique. I really think my next birth is going to be a fraction of what this was, and a completely different experience.

My birth taught me some great lessons, and though it was long and hard and a bit eventful, it was life changing and completely worth it. I'm so happy my baby boy is here, and can't wait for this amazing journey of motherhood thats ahead of me.

#pregnancy #motherhood #birthstory