Pregnant AF: Why we're not finding out the sex of our baby

I've been waiting to write this blog post for YEARS. I know, I sound like a crazy person. But it's because I have been looking forward to this moment ever since I started dreaming about having my own kids one day...I have known for so long that whenever I got pregnant with my first child, I did NOT want to find out the sex. I was so set in this that when my husband and I started dating and getting serious, I warned him of this YEARS before we were even thinking of kids. I wanted to mentally prepare him because I was THAT set on it.

As always, let me put a disclaimer in and say that I am NOT knocking anyone who does find out their baby's gender before birth. Trust me, I've looked at the pros and cons of both options. If you chose that route, you do you boo! All I'm doing is sharing my own personal reasons for choosing not to - not to convince anyone that my choice is better or anything of that nature. There's more than one way to have a baby, and this is just what I chose. I always have to share that little disclaimer so that no one is offended ;)

So I'm sure so many wanna know...WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO WAIT TO FIND OUT??

Hear me out. I have some really good reasons. I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant and have had NO issues with not knowing what we are having. In my opinion, its 10x more fun to not find out, and here's why:

1. There are no more secrets these days.

Maybe its because its my job to share and post my life on social media, but the first and BIGGEST reason for why I don't want to find out my baby's sex is because I feel like our life and society knows fucking EVERYTHING. Social media has taken us to a place where we can find out almost any information instantaneously. A volcano erupts halfway across the world and we can watch it live streaming from the damn toilet without having to do anything but move our thumb and update Facebook. A child is the size of a turnip, still in utero and their name and sex can be shared to the world with the click of a button. Of course that's amazing but at the same time, meeting our baby for the first time is one thing I do want to save for myself, my husband and our family before the world finds out. I want to know I have this little human coming...but I want to truly meet this human for all that he or she is for the first time and take it all in when they arrive. If they have lots of hair, if they have Devin's eyes, and if they are a little baby boy or girl.

2. So I don't spend my life away on baby clothes.

I mean, are you kidding me? Go to any baby or department store, head to the clothes section and prepare to just die for a moment. It's better for my budget if I don't know the sex early because then I won't be buying every single cute outfit I see. I mean, babies need clothes...but they also need other things besides clothes. Not knowing helps me be more practical with my spending and not overdo it on the cute ass clothes. Now after baby gets here? That will be a different story...but at least then I won't have as much free time to go shopping as I do now. ;)

3. To get things we actually NEED at our baby shower.

So this reason is coming totally from a budget standpoint yet again. My husband and I are trying to really work our way out of debt. And the amazing gifts we will be getting at our baby shower (thank you to all our fam and friends FYI!!!) will be helping us A LOT in budgeting for baby. That being said, I've been to a lot of baby showers over the last few years. A bunch of my friends have had babies before me, and I started to keep an eye on what most of them received for shower gifts. For pretty much everyone, they got probably 60-85% clothes. Not even kidding here. Clothes are GREAT, but I've also heard from like, everyone that has a kid that they grow out of clothes super quickly when they are a baby. So getting things off our registry other than clothes like diaper bags, bottles, breastfeeding supplies, etc. are SUCH a better bang for their buck! It's a win-win for my baby shower guests because they're spending their money on more useful items and it's a win for me because I get more things off our registry that we need. SCORE.

4. Motivation to PUSH!

Now I've never had a baby, so I am just speculating on this one. But I do want to make one thing clear: just because I won't be finding out the sex of our baby doesn't mean I don't want to know like fucking CRAZY. I wonder ALL THE TIME if I have a boy or girl in there. So I think when the time comes and I have to go into labor, I will be so focused on FINALLY getting to know what we are having! I know that labor can be unpredictable - things happen you don't expect or plan for. So it will be amazing motivation to power through, stay positive and focused during the crazy process of birthing this human...knowing after 9 long months, I'm finally getting our gender reveal!

5. I'm down with a gender neutral nursery.

There are so many cute gender neutral nursery ideas out there! Thanks to Pinterest, I've already planned out some ideas. So the whole "but how will you be able to decorate before the baby is here?" questions is null and void. Besides the nursery, a name and clothes (which I've discussed a few times), what else does knowing the sex help you with when having a baby? There is nothing a boy baby needs that a girl baby doesn't need and vice versa. When babe gets here, we will throw in some girly or boyish accents and call it good. But overall, gender neutral nurseries are more my jam anyways!

6. Gender disappointment is eliminated.

So obviously my husband and I just wish for a healthy baby over ANYTHING - boy or girl. But if we could have a preference?? We both would love to have a boy first. I've just always pictured having a boy as my first child for whatever reason. Since I've never had a baby, I've never experienced gender disappointment...but I know it's a real thing and if I'm being honest with you, I think if I were to find out we were having a girl at 20 weeks, I would be SLIGHTLY disappointed for a hot minute, then of course remind myself that it's about having a healthy happy baby, not a boy. I'm being transparent and honest right now!! But if I hear the words, "IT'S A GIRL!!!" from my husband after enduring X hours of labor, I know for a fact that there's no way I would have a millisecond of disappointment because she was RIGHT THERE, in front of my face! I guess this is all speculation again, but waiting til baby is here to find out their sex gives you no time to dwell or be sad about not having what you originally wanted.

7. We'll be totally prepared for Baby Lucky #2.

This is kind of a follow up to #3, but along with getting the practical things off our registry, they won't be gender specific, so we will be able to reuse them for whenever we decide to have baby #2. Of course I know I'll still be buying things for our second baby, but it will help a lot to not have to buy a ton of the big gear that we got for baby #1. Again, ballin' on a budget over here, people.

8. For that epic "IT'S A _______!!!!!" moment.

People will debate me on this, but I've always thought it would be amazing to have one of those moments where I get to hear my husband announce to me and the world that we have welcomed a new baby boy or girl into the world. I want my husband to have that moment - not a cake or an ultrasound technician. I mean, capping off this whole pregnancy and having him get to finally know BEFORE ME what we are having when I'm the one who has carried the thing for 9 months?! It's like he finally has his little part of this process, even if it's at the very end. Yes yes, you can do that with a cute FB announcement or gender reveal cake or smoke bomb or balloons out of a box or whatever - but I feel like there's a difference between slicing into a cake with blue icing vs. pushing the human out of my vag and seconds later hearing my husband yell "IT'S A BOY!!!" You can't tell me that version B doesn't sound WAY more epic and awesome, right?! For me, waiting to find out is like waiting til Christmas to open your presents. Yes, its still fun and surprising if you opened them on December 15th, but there's just something special about WAITING til the end.

9. I like to be different.

This one is just a little perk/side reason for me. I like to go against the grain and not do what everyone else is doing. We aren't having our baby in a hospital like 99% of women in the United States. We aren't seeing an OBGYN, but are seeing a midwife for all our prenatal care and for baby's delivery. The large majority of people I know end up finding out their baby's sex before birth. I like to be different, I like to try doing things in ways that others may not. So sue me.

10. Baby names are my favorite, and now we get DOUBLE the fun.

So I have this weird obsession with baby names. I loveee learning new ones and finding names that are unique but not too weird. That is my baby naming style. No Starbeam Jiggleflower or anything like that. But also nothing in the Top 500 names - I want my kid to stand out but not get made fun of. I have kept a running list of names I love for whenever I hear a new one. I have a couple girlfriends where we just randomly text each other when we hear a new name. "What do you think of Ensley for a girl?" I don't know why I am this way, I just am, okay! But with not finding out the sex, that gives me TWO names to pick out which I'm personally really excited about!

11. It's a great lesson in patience and presence.

I am not a patient person. And the thought of waiting 4 more months to meet our child makes me cringe a little because I'm just so excited to meet him or her!! Can I set it on high and cook it faster?!? KIDDING! But this is a great lesson in learning the power of patience. I have two choices: be anxious and curious for the rest of this pregnancy, or relax and be PRESENT. After reading "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle, I've really tried to be more present in my life and not dwell too much on the future. With not knowing our baby's sex, it forces me to just be here now.

12. To keep people in suspense.

Boy, I was not expecting how much not finding out our baby's sex would irritate OTHER PEOPLE. I love a good surprise, and I also love surprising other people. With not knowing what we are having, not only will we be at the edge of our seats excited to find out, but so will our friends and family - whether they like it or not! I can't wait to share this huge secret and news with our parents for the first time, and with the rest of our friends when we do finally announce to everyone else. I just feel that if our friends and family don't know the baby's name and gender for 20 weeks in advance of arrival, it will be an even bigger surprise and announcement when baby does come. Plus it seems to just be pissing people off that they don't know, which makes me secretly laugh. Sounds sadistic, I know.

Who knows. Maybe after going through this with Baby #1, it will make me want to find out the sex in the future. But I have always been set and just knew that I would not find out for my first child. It's the last TRUE secret we can keep from ourselves, and I can't wait to find out this lovely birth-day surprise when they finally arrive! #TeamGreen for the win!

What do YOU think - anyone else also kept baby's sex a secret?! What was your experience?

#pregnancy