Bennett's Birth Story

I’m sitting here watching my little 12 week old sleep and figured it was time to write down my birth story before the details start to fade. It was so different the second time around in the best way possible, and I hope sharing our birth story will inspire at least ONE mama that maybe had a difficult birth the first time around.

My first birth didn’t go according to plan at all (side note: here is my son Callen’s birth story for anyone that’s interested). I was in labor for 37 hours with him, Cal’s head wasn’t positioned right in my pelvis so I struggled to progress past 6 cm without the help of medication and my one goal was to have a natural birth. I ended up being transferred from our birth center to the hospital after 26 hours in labor to get the meds I needed in order to rest, get in the right positions and kickstart my contractions. It worked and it all was perfect but it was a long, hard few days and a lot of things didn’t turn out how I wanted. But Bennett’s birth was a complete redemption for me and I’m so happy that it worked out how I envisioned the second time. So let’s get into it!

The morning of September 13, 2019 at 38 weeks and 4 days (10 days before my due date), Cal woke up around 7 am and I brought him into bed to nurse like I did pretty much every morning. For the past few weeks, nursing him would cause some Braxton Hicks contractions but usually it was only 1-2 contractions before they would stop. Well, this time...they didn’t stop. I started to get contractions every 3-5 minutes consistently lasting about a minute. They were definitely a little intense but once they stopped, I felt 100% fine. So for anyone that’s heard breastfeeding can start labor, that is true BUT only when your body is ready to go into labor already. So I guess I can thank Cal for getting this whole birth thing going.

At this point, since I was 10 days out from my due date, I fully believed I had at least 1-2 more weeks before she came. Since Cal was 8 days late, I really just mentally prepared myself to be late again but that wasn’t the case! Because I was only 38 weeks and felt fine in between contractions, I was in complete and total denial that I was in labor. I worked through contractions thinking they would die off or slow down at some point.

Around 8 am, Devin got up and was concerned because he could tell these contractions weren’t like the Braxton Hicks I had been experiencing before. But I told him they would probably stop soon (HA) and to just chill. A few hours went by, the contractions didn’t slow down and actually picked up intensity a little bit. Devin asked again about calling the midwives but I refused again. He told me maybe 3-4 times he was going to call, I yelled at him not to because I still didn’t think this was the real deal!

Around 11 am, Devin made the executive decision to call the midwives even though I told him no AGAIN. This was definitely the right decision and around 12ish we headed to the birth center. I wasn’t prepared at all, didn’t have a bag packed and we were rushing to get everything together as we were walking out the door. It was a combination of second child syndrome and believing I was going to be late again, but we literally had nothing ready! We got to the birth center and I fully expected them to check me, see I was maybe 1-2 cm dilated and send me home. Well, they checked me and I was already at 6 cm! It literally took me almost a day of labor to get to 6 cm with Cal and I couldn’t progress past this point without going to the hospital. So hearing that I was already at 6 was the shocker I needed to finally believe I was in labor and this baby was ACTUALLY coming today!

So I continued to work through my contractions at the birth center. The position that worked best for Cal was sitting on the birth ball and leaning back with Devin’s support but that didn’t feel good this time. What felt best was getting into a sumo squat position during the contractions and I used a chair in the birth suite to support me. I tried sitting on the back of the toilet but hated it, and I got in the tub for a bit before needing to get out and get in some different positions. I had the same labor playlist going that I had with Cal to help set the mood. Devin ran to the gas station to grab me some snacks to stay energized, even though eating is the LAST thing I wanted to do during labor.

At some point, I started to feel nauseous and threw up in the bathroom. With Cal, I threw up 4 times in labor so I knew my body was progressing and doing its thing. Though I had felt great in between contractions all day, I started to feel not so great, I didn’t want to talk as much because the contractions were getting really intense and I needed to rest in between them.

Around 2 or 3 pm, my midwives asked if I wanted to get back in the tub when they realized my contractions were getting harder, so I got in and things picked up. Once I hit transition, I really started to doubt my ability to handle a natural birth. I knew that this feeling meant I was close to the end but in the moment, I just was so ready for her to be OUT. It was the most intense pain and I tried my best to zone out, release and not tense up and breathe through it. I found myself really vocalizing at some points and had to regroup and seriously focus to keep it together. Labor is by far a huge mental challenge more than anything. If you can do your best to control your mind, stay positive and relaxed, focus on breathing and releasing, then a natural birth is so possible. But it’s work to do all those things when instinctually you want to scream your brains out and be like Juno, yelling OW OW FUCKITY OW and just wanting to rip the baby out yourself. You have to fight your own instincts almost to keep it together which is the hardest part!

So as contractions picked up, the pain was so intense and I had no clue how close I was to having her because my midwives are very hands off and weren’t giving me a play by play but were just letting me labor it out. They check on both our vitals to make sure we are all ok but overall, they let you just do what you need to get baby here and don’t really say or do much. Although I will add, the midwife assistants at our birth were amazing about verbally helping me through my contractions. Something about their voices really helped me focus, relax and breathe which are the most important things during labor. I love my midwife team and couldn’t do it without them!

So as I was transitioning I suddenly started to feel some serious back pain and knew she was really close to coming. It was like the light at the end of the tunnel! A few contractions later and I started to finally feel her head descending lower and lower - which was probably the most crazy part of labor for me. The moment I felt her head, I finally knew I was close and I could do this. It was the motivation I needed for sure and something I didn’t experience with Cal because I got an epidural and felt nothing when I was pushing!

So as I felt her head and the back pain, I had kind of a come-to-Jesus moment with myself before I finally pushed her out. I realized that even though I THOUGHT I had been relaxing and releasing during contractions, I knew I wasn’t relaxing 100% and if I wanted this pain to end, I had to surrender to the contractions and the pain. I remember focusing on the painting on the wall and telling myself to let go...of course when that happened was when the fetal ejection reflex kicked in! I had read about this in lots of books and documentaries and this is when your body basically pushes the baby out without you having to do anything. When I fully relaxed my muscles and let go, my body kicked in and started to push without me initiating it. It was the weirdest, coolest thing ever! If I had to choose which was worse - contractions or pushing - I would choose contractions...though pushing was painful, it was also a weird relief when I was going with my body completely relaxed. So I was working with the contractions, I was finally releasing so that my body could push and I started to make the most primal noises ever - they came from a place in my soul I didn’t know existed and I had never heard myself make noises like this but it’s what my body needed to get through the end of this labor. The midwives and assistants started to get close and get on their gloves and I knew I was near the finish line! So I waited for a contraction to come, I released and pushed with my body as hard as I could. Finally, I felt her head descend more and more - it was kind of like you’re pooping out a baby head-sized ball? I don’t really know any other way to describe it, the biggest relief happened when I felt her head come down further and further, I gave one big push and her head came out! Only 10-15 seconds later, another contraction came on and my body pushed one more time - her shoulders and body came through and she was finally here! I DID IT.

Introducing Bennett Rae Luckenbach Born Friday September 13, 2019 at 5:09 pm 7 lb 12 oz and 20 inches long Born at 38 weeks 4 days

I felt the hugest sense of relief when she came out and the biggest thing I remember thinking was “thank god I’M DONE!” I was probably more excited in that moment that it was over vs. being excited that my daughter was here, if I’m being honest. Having a natural water birth was the hardest thing I’ve EVER done and it took me some time to process the whole thing afterwards. Right after it happened, I said I never wanted to do that ever again. It took me a few weeks to go from being in a bit of shock about what I had just been through to how I feel now. And at 12 weeks out from the birth, I can honestly say that I am so happy that I went through with my plan of having a natural birth like I wanted. At this point, I have no clue what I’ll want to do for our next birth if I’m being real. But I’m not worrying or thinking about it since baby Lucky #3 isn’t joining us for AWHILE! Back to Benny’s birth...

They pulled her up out of the water and she was COVERED in vernix. Cal had a little but Benny was caked in creaminess. She also had the cord wrapped around her neck so she was a little blueish purple when she came out but they unwrapped it right away, handed her to me and she got her color pretty quick. They had me get out of the water and lay on the bed to deliver the placenta. I did one big push and it came out pretty easy, I didn’t even feel it. They checked me after this for any tearing and I didn’t tear at all which I was so happy about because I know this can make recovery a whole lot worse. But I think a combo of not having an epidural so I could feel everything and push with my contractions and being in the water helped my body probably stretch how it needed so that I didn’t tear. Who knows if that’s true but it’s my theory!

Since we were at the birth center, they did a check up on the baby to be sure she was good, they checked me as well and massaged my belly (which was not fun) to make sure my uterus was going down correctly and that bleeding was okay. Everything was fine so we were able to leave about 2 and a half hours after she was born! She came at 5:09 pm and we were home by 7:30 pm which was one of the main reasons I wanted to have her at a birth center - I hated having to stay at the hospital for 24 hours with Cal and just wanted to be in my own bed! I remember that night, sitting in bed nursing her with Cal next to me and I was just so happy to be home with my babies and not in a hospital bed.

So that was it! It was different from Cal’s birth in every way! Cal was a 37 hour labor, Benny was 10 hours. I had Cal at the hospital in a bed, had Benny at the birth center in a tub. Needed an epidural and pitocin with Cal, was completely medication free with Benny. It was the redemption I wanted after Cal’s birth and I’m so proud of myself because it was by far the hardest mental and physical challenge I’ve ever gone through.

For any expecting moms wanting a natural birth, it’s hard. But you can do it and the benefits are amazing! I recovered so quick and felt awesome when I got home from the birth center. It requires some strong mental preparation in my opinion, so listen to podcasts or birth stories, read books, watch documentaries and don’t go into it blindly! I can say that I was able to keep going and pushing because I knew from my research that the moment I felt like I couldn’t do it was when I was almost done. I knew I needed to relax and release and when I finally did, I was able to effectively push her out. I know for some, ignorance is bliss but if you want the most successful natural birth experience I recommend filling your mind with positive resources so that you are mentally armed for when it gets REALLY hard during labor.

Now that I’ve had a natural birth, I am so proud of myself and the strength I needed to find within me to do this. I proved to myself that I can do hard things and that’s exactly why I wanted to do it this way in the first place. So welcome to the world, baby Benny! You are the light of my life and I’m so happy you and your brother have chosen me as your mama. Here’s to lots of growing and memories ahead, girl. I love being your mom so much already.